The Personification of Mr. White

March 14, 2009

I rode about 30 miles today on the road. That number is really a guess because my computer isn't functioning. We set out to ride the Barry Roubaix course for the race in two weeks, but we got a little lost. Steve and Brian both concurred that it was about 30. I wouldn't know because I got lost in my mind out there thinking about how my new found love and I would both rather be flying down single track. So I just pedaled and he just rolled up and down monster hills for mile after mile. I could see the ribbon of trail cutting through the woods as I pedaled along. It was so close I could have just dashed off the road and been swept away. My mind keep saying it was too soon but my heart said something entirely different. I asked the guys and Becky if they were game. Nobody had time. I didn't drive so I had to follow the herd back to the car. To try and ease the want growing inside my chest, I told myself the trail was probably super muddy. As I was reluctantly letting go of the fantasy I saw men in tights riding that ribbon like it was all tide up in a cheerleaders hair. I yelled out "How is it? Is it muddy?" they said not at all. I already knew. I was coming back as soon as I got home to my car.

After a quick snack and an email check, I put my SS in the back seat and I was off. I sang off key to him all the way there. He doesn't care that I can make ears bleed with my voice, he just wants to be on the trail with me. We had never been on single track together in ample conditions. It's been mostly snow or road rides so it was difficult to know how we were going to fair together. I caught SS sickness last summer, but there was no way I could make it work. I quit looking because it made my heart ache. I didn't even want to think about what I really wanted. So, I spent most of my time in the big chain ring dreaming, until one day last fall he just showed up. . .

It was the end of October, and I was riding with Steve and Eric on the same roads training for Iceman. Steve told me about this bike that had come into the shop. Listening to him describe it made my heart skip a beat. Thomas had already tipped me off to it but I didn't even let my mind go there. Steve really sparked my curiosity. When we were done riding I snuck down there immediately. I punched in my code and turned on the lights. There he was looking lonely behind the counter. My breath caught in my chest and my mouth went dry. I'm not even lying. He was beautiful. A little on the fixed side with no brakes but beautiful. He was more than I dared to even dream of. He's 26' a little Eccentric, and Rigid. I fell in love at first sight. I snatched him up and promptly named him Jack. I was afraid he would be more than I could handle, but with a little TLC I persuaded him to change. I promised him he wouldn't regret it.

We are just getting to know each other, but every time we chat it leaves me wanting more. I can't get enough. This is what I learned about Jack this afternoon. There is no pretending to be something I am not with him. When we are together I know who I am and what I am capable of. With him, what you see is what you get. If I focus on him and trust him, he tells me what do, like when I need to stand or stay sitting, and he's perfectly happy holding my hand if I should have to walk up that matted hill. He doesn't lie to me. Because he is not suspended I don't have to worry about my security being false. It's funny because without that suspension, I haven't felt, nor have I come close to going over the bars. I know it's early in the season, and I am the Endo Queen, but somehow this one is different. His rigidity may at times be mistaken for coldness, but the warmth comes in the lessons on mercy and forgiveness. I am learning very quickly how to pick better lines. I think he is helping me to be a better person.

March 15, 2009

I had to go back again today. I threw caution to the wind and let it fly. No keeping my heart in check or watching my speed.

What was once a fantasy has become real, and it is better than I could have ever imagined.

Note to self: "Let go!"